My Thoughts on Life

I have always been a deep thinker. I think about my life; my past, my future and my present, what I have gone through and what I still have to go through. What I learnt and what I still want to learn. Do you ever wonder that just maybe the future is not in our hands; that we have free will but don't at the same time. If things did not happen the exact way they did, I might not be here writing this. Do you ever wonder about the simplicity and complexity of the life we live? Do you ever wish that you are a different and ordinary person? But then maybe being ordinary is not all that interesting. Maybe, just maybe, being ordinary means living a life with no meaning or questions.

What is life? At the moment of conception only one of those sperms out of the other million gets to be the one who caries half the DNA for the new person. If a different sperm fertilized that egg when I was conceived I would have never existed. I wouldn't exist and someone else would be born in my place. For me to have been conceived, everything had to happen exactly the way it did. Anything different would have been enough to get a different sperm to fertilize the egg. The start of your life and the chain that comes with it starts from here.

You start to grow, and the events you go through affect your way of thinking as you grow older. Had I not gone through the things I have, I would probably just be a simple eighteen year old, drooling about my next hot date. Or maybe the events might have happened just the same because they were destined to happen. There is something big out there controlling all this, and man has always been intrigued by this mystery. On the contrary those who deny it believe that events in life occur through their own personal choices, which is true to a certain extent. People can choose to change; some find it easier than others. People change the people they meet, they change the people they love, and they change their lifestyle for better or for worse. But as long as they are certain that it was their choice to make, they are happy. And they are right. But why do people think the way they do? What makes them make their choices? And the answer is pretty simple; past events in their life that make them who they are.

But when I say the word "people" you have to realise that each and every one of us is not just part of the number. We are all unique in different ways. We all have our individual life. Some choose to share it with others, some don't. We all have our families and the people we love. We are individuals born to this world to achieve our goals and dreams. When you view life through a lens things seem so different. It is like you are the director of a movie, watching things go by, watching people take everything for granted, and being busy with their own lives in this fast moving world. Only some choose to think of others, other than themselves. You wonder if that guy talking to that woman in the red dress has the same thoughts pass through his head as you. You wonder if he has problems to go home to. You make up stories of his life and wonder if his life is better than yours. And then you start to think about your own problems; your latest dilemma, your latest blessing.

Circumstances in life sometimes make us choose things we would have never thought of choosing before. Fears we once had seem to fade away, things or people that brought us joy in the past might bring sadness now. You might discover something new about yourself, and that something might be the best thing about yourself. Your life might change from dull to bright. Sometimes even what you thought was love, would not be love at all. Love is made up of many levels and so many people mix up different levels. Love, for me, is the most complicated feeling, but the most simple; the feeling that hurts most, but the feeling that gives us so much warmth and happiness inside. But how do you realise when you are really in love? In the past I thought that you would just feel it and know. But I am not so sure anymore. I thought I loved but I found something better now. Does it mean that what I had was never love? Or was it love but not at its best? The never ending list of questions increases in our heads but we never seem to find the answers. And nobody can really answer those questions, nobody but you. But learning yourself might be a long journey. Life takes over and we postpone the journey, but to when?

Other times, life suddenly changes from good to bad. You would want to find a reason explaining why the good things in life have to turn out so terribly wrong. But that reason is hard to spot; sometimes it might take years for you to realise that reason. Moving on from that pain is a choice only you can make. Change is something only you can bring forth. You can change your perspective on life, change the person you are. People sometimes wear masks to hide their hurt, or to hide the person they truly are; helping themselves to overcome their hurts and fears. Other times people see only what they want to see. If life was bad for them in the past then, to them, life will be bad for them for the rest of it. The future is only for us to unwrap, but you cannot expect to discover beauty when you only believe in ugliness.

How can you know whom to trust and whom you cannot? Some people can give you the world and keep their word. Other people just don't care and can break your heart in a matter of seconds. Some people trust easily, some take longer and some decide not to trust anyone at all other than themselves. There is no real right method to trust. Not trusting anyone can give you a life of loneliness inside yourself. Trusting easily can guarantee instant hurt, but can also provide a real friendship. What about the person that takes longer to trust? How do they know if they can trust the crowd? They usually wait for them to open up to them before they can trust them and even then, how can you be sure that the stranger is telling the truth? It takes time for that to happen, but the risk is still being taken. But then again, life is full of risks. How can you live in this life without taking the risk of living it? Sometimes a risk is worth being taken; if all goes well you can find a real friend, or find true love.

When someone hurts you, why does it feel like life was put on a pause? In reality life is moving on; everyone has his own problems but to you that one problem, that one hurt, makes you feel like you are no longer living. Living in the past does not solve anything, but only cause you more pain, pain that does not seem to want to go away. Washing that pain away can take weeks, months and even years; or it might never fade away because it would have affected the person you will be for the rest of your life. Other times, things happen in your life, things that you would have always wanted, but when they do, it feels like it was a dream, and you have to remind yourself of what has happened.

And then people find love. And I don't just mean the love and care you can hold for many people. I mean the real thing – unconditional love for one person, the love that so many might never experience in a lifetime. The meaning of life suddenly seems clear, that all you have gone through was worth it, even for that one single moment you could have spent feeling love. It feels like life suddenly changes from black and white to colour. But when you loose it, all seems lost again, and you're back in the ordinary world, that life of routine, that fight for money and survival and all the colours seem to fade. And so there and then, you strive to find that love again. You tasted the apple of life, and you want more. The juice filled your body like a drug and keeping away from that juice makes you think about nothing else but it.

Life is a mystery that hides a lot of beauty. I'll leave the rest of this path up to you now and the unanswered questions for you to answer.